Worst Mom of the Year Award?

If they have one, I deserve the award; hands down.

This has been one of the worst mommy days I've ever had.

Owen took a great nap in his crib today. I was running around cleaning and picking up the house. I took a quick shower right before he woke up. As I was getting dressed, I heard the little guy calling for me. I went in and there he was, wide awake, waiting for me. I pulled down the side of the crib, but he kept laying down and playing like he wanted to stay in. I went to do something with his dresser while he played (leaving the side down) and before you know it... Owen goes head first onto the floor.

At first, I could tell by the look in his eye, he thought he was just playing and he had a laugh under his nuk nuk. When I started screaming, "NO" and running toward him, he knew it was not good. His head hit first, then neck, then back... He cried, then whimpered over and over. Luckily, he could move.

I called the doctor and a VERY, VERY kind nurse walked me through a bunch of questions. I was able to answer, through the tears, all the questions in a positive way. Owen's only issue was that he didn't want to walk at first. She said he might be dizzy, but to take him to urgent care just to be on the safe side.
So, my very kind neighbor picked Anna up after school and watched her while I took Owen to the doctor. As we took the long trip (20 min) downtown to the clinic, Owen knew something was really wrong, though, because Mommy quietly cried the entire way there, the entire time at the doctor's office and the whole way back. The doctor saw us right away and looked over his head, eyes, ears, mouth and finally his legs. By the time we saw the doctor, Owen was walking very well (and when we got home he was back to running).... Must have been scared or dizzy -who knows... He said to just keep an eye on him and look for signs of a concussion. So far, so good.

Yes, I know it was an accident and kids try things, etc. I knew it wasn't the right thing to do to leave the side down, but I never expected him to fall out. That happens to other people. If I could put my feelings into words - the worst part of all this is that I let Owen down today. I'm the adult, the mom, whatever, and I should have been looking out for him better than I did. He looks for me to protect him and I didn't today. I am terrified to put him back in his crib even though he fell because the side was down. I have apologized a hundred times to him... I just hope he's really okay...

Signed,
"The Worst Mom of the Year"