A New Chapter

Nearly ten years ago, we had a beautiful little baby girl.  Little did I know then, my life would change so much.... I remember the day I took her to visit the daycare she would go to when I went back to work.  I wouldn't let any of the workers hold her.  She laid in my arms sucking her binky and staring into my eyes.  And I told her then, "don't worry, I won't leave you here."  I immediately got up, walked out, leaving it all behind... On the drive home, crying uncontrollably, I had to pull over.  I called Dan and told him there was no way I could leave her there.  I needed, at least for a little while, to stay home with her.  Dan was thrilled with my decision as that is what he had wanted too, but it had to be my decision.  That afternoon I quit my job.

Well, nine years and ten months later, we are sending our other baby to kindergarten.  I know he's ready.  I know he'll do great.  I know he'll love it.  But, I am still sad.  I still feel an emptiness I don't want to feel.  I have had a little person with me for almost ten years.  I will miss hearing a little Twedt voice during the day.

I have no regrets.  We may not have had as much money as we may have wanted, but we had enough.  We may have not been able to do as much as other people, but we had a lot of fun. 

I truly have no regrets... I have tried to play as many Barbies and babies, Star Wars and Hot Wheels, games of Sorry and Matching, puzzles and baseball.  I have built railroads, Lincoln Logs and forts.  I have been every Princess and their mommies.  I have watched Jake and the Netherland Pirates, the Backyardigans, Sesame Street and too many Disney movies to count.  I have read so many books I have them memorized.  I have not always had a clean house. 

I won't forget all the parks, library story times, gymnastic classes, bike rides, walks, duck feedings, mall runs, playdates, Mops meetings, and little excursions we had together. 

I have tried to teach them right and wrong.  I've tried to teach them how to be good people with big hearts.  I have tried to teach them that no matter what, we love them - unconditionally. Forever.

I am blessed - so blessed I don't have the words.  I will hold Owen's hand tomorrow and walk him into school and give him the best gift I can - to let go. 

He is ready. 

My next chapter?? Well, we'll see...