Sometimes my words are not enough to tell the tale of my heart's desires. Sometimes words can not express the feelings that come from deep within. Sometimes I wish I could say it all distinctly and with the exact feeling that my thoughts deserve. Most often, though, I wish I could just figure out what IT is.
For a couple of years, I've wanted a third child. Dan, however, has said since Owen was in my tummy, that he was so happy and content with two. I see pregnant women and dream, I see babies and try to remember when my babies were that small. Most often though, I just want my kids to slow down and not grow up so quickly.
I remember that horrible day in November 2006 when a not so kind doctor told me that I probably shouldn't have another baby and if I did, I would have to have a C-section. I do remember that we prayed and prayed for little Owen (baby number two). I also remember that having a C-section wasn't so good for my body.
I do know how my prayers for Owen were answered. I know I am truly blessed with two wonderful children who I wouldn't trade for the world. I just wish that the feelings and the desires for a third baby would go away. Or maybe, I just miss my babies being small. Often, I feel a little happy that I'm out of the baby stage and the diaper stage. But, then again, I can't seem to get rid of the crib, swing and those little bitty clothes.
I know in my head that we're done having children, why can't my heart hear the words?
Accepting prayers for a content heart...
1 comment:
Sorry, Becky. I know how hard it is. 99% of the time I am completely content and happy with this family that I have and relieved that I don't have to do the baby thing again. But then out of the blue (just last night, in fact!) it will hit me like a ton of bricks that my last baby is growing at near light speed and sooner than I'd wish she is going to be right where Morgan is now and I'll just have a bunch of KIDS and NO BABY. And then it's all I can do to not cry. But I think I would feel like that even if I kept having babies for the next 5 years, ya know? At some point, the last baby will grow up and at some point I will be babyless. Sigh. It's hard, but I try really hard to focus on all the great things about being out of the baby years (Like this past weekend, going to an amusement park and getting to ride so many rides as a family b/c Addie is big enough now. We had an absolute BLAST!). Hugs to you!!
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